1. |
Brand New Friend
04:02
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Mr. Bullfrog sitting on a lily pad singing a song
he's been hopping along all day
He loves to sing and play his guitar every evening in the swampy marsh....all alone, always
He never hung out on the log with any of the other frogs
for a while he was on his own
Then one day Mr. Firefly heard the frog and he stopped on by he said "Hey there Frog I'm a banjo player. Let's make this a duo what do you say"
the frog said..
Wah, Wah Wah
There's nothing like a brand new friend
So Mr. Bullfrog and Mr. Firefly singing their songs
they're both playing along all day
they love to sing and strum those guitars every evening in the swampy marsh
Then one day Mr. Bullfrog said,
he said "hey there Mr. Firefly, you think there's someone that we could find that knows how to play the xylophone?"
Then right out of the everglades popped out Mr. Alligator he said
"my name's Mr. Alligator as you know. And I love to play my xylophone."
Wah, Wah, Wah
There's nothing like a brand new friend
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2. |
Dolphins and Porpoises
02:42
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Dolphins And Porpoises
Dolphins and porpoises; they are not fish, they are small whales
they breathe air just like we do
they have skin not scales
lots of folks think that they are the same
but porpoises are smaller and shy
dolphins are playful and their brains are about the same size as mine
dolphins and porpoises
echolocation is how a dolphin likes to get around
they've got sonar like a submarine
it's like a seeing eye dog for sound
dolphins like to stick together in pods, schools, or herds
Yellow Fin tuna like to join them for dinner and come back for seconds and thirds
dolphins and porpoises
some dolphins shed their outer skin about every two hours
that's why their skin is so smooth and even smoother in two hours
porpoises are fast swimmers with a speed of 34 mph
and their thick blubber keeps them warm and it even keeps them safe
most dolphins live in the ocean but a few kinds live in fresh water
dolphins and porpoises are mammals that live in the sea
(our next topic: sea otters)
dolphins and porpoises
dolphins and porpoises are excellent communicators
that means what's for lunch
that means spend your parents' money on aging rock stars CD's, kids
I actually don't know what that one means
wait a minute you can't say that on a children's record!
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3. |
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he Great Lemonade Stand Off Of Maple Street
Oh what a lovely day to sell some lemonade
I'm gonna set up shop and sell it on my block
I'll need some sugar, lemons, Ice, a table, and a sign
come try Mikeys lemonade - It only costs a dime, for a limited time
Oh what is this I see? No, no this cannot be
this kid across the street named Crumb is trying to copy me
oh the audacity, oh the humanity
there ain't no way you're selling lemonade on Maple Street
Ya well, I got the perfect spot
more shade then you have got
and all I've gotta say that my stand is better than yours
Well I got a lemon tree in my backyard you see my lemons are infinity
Ya my stand is better than yours
my juice is freshly squeezed
so vitaminly C and that can only mean that my stands better than yours
well maybe in your dreams you sweeten artificially
It tastes like salty sour peanut butter rancid anchovies and rotten moldy cheese
When it comes to a stand off I'm a wizard like Gandolf
mine is the most majestic mystic lemonisticly around
I can sell it out in the cold to a family of Eskimos
In fact the first to get the sale wins the bet and the other has to close
Then old man Bert from around the way stopped at Mike's for some lemonade
he said, "I'm so thirsty I'll drink 10 straight up"
then Mikey realized he did not have cups
Then Crumb said "come on now Mr. Bert
sure love your Hawaiian shirt (why thanks)
how bout some ready made country style lemonade"
I'll take one icy chilled can you break a 20-dollar bill?
uh oh this is strange I don't have any change
You don't have that he don't have this
this is quite ridiculous
you two should form a partnership cuz two heads are better than one
Iit's painful to admit but we would get more done
and we both would benefit cuz two heads are better than one
Hey crumb what do ya say I bet we'd have some fun together selling lemonade
cuz two heads are better than one
working together is a way to get it done
now the lemonade is better there's no comparison
We use a hint of lime grown in the summer sun, our lemonade tastes so sublime cuz two heads are better than one
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4. |
Tell Someone
03:03
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Tell Someone
Call Edwin Meese or tell the police,
Stuart Copeland, your priest or rabbi
press 911 or tell a nun, school counselor, or your best friend
If you feel that something's just not right, it's good to tell someone
or if something's preying heavy on your mind tell your dad or mom or Chaka Khan
Tell your doctor or mail a letter to a giraffe or a very tall adult
send a text message or email a question
you're very important even if you're Texan
If you feel that something's just not right it's good to tell someone
or if something's preying heavy on your mind tell your dad or mom or Warren Spahn
Hey Bert?
Yes Mr. Crumb?
There's something I need to tell someone about.
Hey I'm here for you buddy go ahead.
Last night I wet the bed
Oh that's all? Been there done that. I'm there now!
If you feel that something's just not right it's good to tell someone
or if something's preying heavy on your mind you gotta tell someone
Hey Doctor Todd I was hoping you could help me with a problem I've been having.
Sure, what's up?
Well every time I take a sip of my hot cocoa, I get a sharp pain in my right eye.
Mike, as your doctor in my professional opinion you gotta take the spoon out of the cup!!
If you feel that something's just not right it's good to tell someone
or if something's preying heavy on your mind tell your mom or dad or Cheryl Ladd
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5. |
Cucina
02:54
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We're in the cucina
I love cooking in the kitchen with you mama
My papa got back from the corner store right across the street
He brought back a bucket of guacamole and a couple of pounds of meat
My mama's cutting up the onions and putting them in a bowl
right next to the tomatoes and the cilantro
Don't forget the avocados and the shredded cheddar cheese
our friends are on their way and it's almost time to eat
We're in the cucina
I love cooking in the kitchen with you mama
_____________________________________________
My mama is a wonderful cook (she's a wonderful cook)
she could write her own cookbook (her very own cookbook)
When it comes to the pasta it's religion like Rastafarian with parmesian
it's off the hook!
We're in the cucina
I love cooking in the kitchen with you (my) mama
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6. |
Welcome to the Carnival
03:41
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Welcome to the carnival
witness the wonders of the world
step right up and test your strength and see the bearded girl
at the carnival... you won't believe your eyes
leave you second guessing guaranteed to mesmerize
well if you've got the gold and want your fortune told lady Esmerelda will look into your soul here at the carnival
We'll take away your breath, fill you full of goosebumps, and we'll scare you half to death...
Welcome to the carnival!
Well all you Misses and you Misters welcome to tonight's affair
on this bliss enchanted evening there's a mist throughout the air
so crisp that you can kiss the mysteries that lurk the fair
with our whispers we'll make history
come join us if you dare!
We've got a house of mirrors
you'll see yourself so silly that you'll laugh yourself to tears
at the carnival
Cotton candy's currency
but it leaves your fingers sticky and it rots away your teeth
now tell me who's afraid of a haunted house
go ahead and lose your mind we got a lost and found
our clowns will swallow swords and they fit 20 to a car
don't miss the one eyed gypsy when he's playing his guitar
Welcome to the carnival!
Funnel cakes, ventriloquists, & mimes and puppeteers
a juggling unicycle is in a haunted house of mirrors
acrobatic elephants trapezing through the air
a freak show that's so shocking you can't help but not to stare
a snake taming strongman with a flair for spinning blades
a fire eating monkey who can guess your age and weight
Calendars and caricature your face onto a poster
A tilt a whirl you'll surely hurl on the fastest roller coaster
The carnival has come to town
tell me have you seen the clowns on the merry go round?
We are the clowns on the merry go round
we like to ride it upside down
we sometimes smile and we sometimes frown
we're the clowns on the merry go round
Welcome to the carnival, you must not wait to step inside these wooden gates
Audiences levitate before your very eyes.
We've got every sight to see underneath this canopy
There is no other place to be to occupy your time
Welcome to the carnival!!
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7. |
The English Language
02:53
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A,E,I,O,U, and sometimes Y..
Well there's so many rules hidden in the English language it's so easy to be wrong, and corrected and mistaken
so we wrote a little song about the language of our nation
Now let's not forget to conjugate the verbs
Don't you wanna know about the English language?
Well I know a guy named Pete
he's a capricorn mechanic and he likes to work on cars and loves surfin the Atlantic
and his favorite color's blue and he hates to go to the dentist
and that is an example of a run on sentence...
Don't you wanna know about the English language?
Your and you're yeah they might sound the same but they're completely different words and they're often to blame for creating a gramatically incorrect catastrophe
that's why it's my philosophy to always use an apostrophe
Don't you wanna know about the English language?
Hey kids here's a tip that you should memorize
don't forget to cross your T's and dot your lower case J's
An allegory's like a metaphor but extended in which object, person's, actions are narrated and equated with an underlying meaning that has moral significance
personified by abstract ideas
(I'm not getting this)
An idiom exaggerates events that may transpire
Like it's raining cats & dogs or getting closer to the wire
A group of lines in poetry is often called a stanza
A noun can be a person, place or thing
(like Tony Danza)
There's a couple animals that like to use their vowels
(moo) goes the cow the cat goes (meow) and (hoot) goes the strigiform
Don't you wanna know about the English language?
A,E, I, O, U
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8. |
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Hey Todd, Bert said he wanted a solo on this one.....Oh? Really?
I got me a girlfriend
lives down by the lake
said I got me a girlfriend
she's skinny as a rake
I got me a girlfriend (he's got him a girlfriend)
I got me some tadpoles
I kept them in a bag
said I got me some tadpoles for when my spirits sag
I got me some tadpoles (he's got him some tadpoles)
Lets do it...Waaah Waah..hey!
I got me some shrimp dip (shrimp dip)
I kept it in my car (it's a Cadillac)
said I got me some shrimp dip (shrimp dip)
that's why I'm a great big star (like Pat Benatar)
I got me some shrimp dip (he's got him some shrimp dip)
Lets do it...Waaah Waah..hey!
Hey Bert, Mike Said you're doing a solo!!
Right after the bridge!!
It's Joe Stalin's Cadillac... It's Joe Stalin's Cadillac
We're gonna drive around the back in Joe Stalin's Cadillac
It's LBJ's Cadillac.. It's LBJ's cadillac
no turning back in LBJ's Cadillac
General Pinochet's Cadillac ladies and gentleman this is General Pinochet's Cadillac
you can't go left.. in General Pinochet's Cadillac
Lets do it...Waaah Waah..hey!
I can't take it anymore, give me a solo Bert...here I go!!
(solo)
The guitar solo heard round the world:
This just in from Japan: Japanese phrase.. worst solo ever!
From India: That solo was worse than my grandma's shrimp vindaloo
From Jamaica: That guitar solo was murder.
From Italy: Momma Mia, somebody cut off my ears
From Down under: Don't quit your day job.
From Sweden: Esh veedin ohdo Odu ohgh
From BBC london: Has he flipped his Ziggens? that is truly the worst guitar solo I've ever heard
Ladies, Ladies...no autographs at this time...thank you!
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9. |
Gone Squatchin
02:04
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10. |
Timmy Turtlehead
03:32
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"Hey kids!
It's time for the Timmy Turtlehead Show!
And here's the star of our show!
Timmy Turtlehead!"
"Hi kids! It's me! Your old pal! Timmy Turtlehead! Do you like songs? Today we're gonna do a song! Oh boy! See I'm a turtle! And when something happens, turtles peek their heads out of their shell! That's kinda what this song is all about! Well are you ready band? Let's do it!"
_____________________________________________
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
telling you it's time to go!
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
telling you it's time to go
Turtlehead, turtlehead, turtlehead that's Timmy
Turtlehead, turtlehead, turtlehead that's Timmy
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
Hey kids!
Did you have a big lunch?
Well, like a turtle sticks his head out, your body is talking to you!
Turtlehead,turtlehead, turtlehead that's Timmy
Turtlehead,turtlehead, turtlehead that's Timmy
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
Timmy Timmy Turtlehead he's your friend
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11. |
Waffle Boogie
03:41
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I feel a little hungry, got a rumblin' in my tummy I want waffles tonight
(He wants waffles tonight)
Breakfast for dinner ya you know it's a winner, I'm eating waffles tonight
he's eating waffles tonight
so won't you l'eggo my eggo and pass the me the Jamima I want waffles tonight
it don't matter the time of day
I'm eating waffles tonight
Come on now I think you know what I want
(he wants waffles tonight)
In fact I think you know what I need
so l'eggo my eggo and pass me the Jamima I want waffles tonight
it don't matter the time of day
you know what I want
(he wants waffles tonight)
Ah, you know what I need
(he's eating waffles tonight)
I feel a little hungry, got some rumblins' in my tummy I want waffles tonight
(he wants waffles tonight)
breakfast for dinner ya you know it's a winner I'm eating waffles tonight
he's eating waffles tonight
so won't you l'eggo my eggo and pass the me the Jamima I want waffles all the time
I'm eating waffles tonight
(he's eating waffles tonight)
I'm eating some waffles and I'm eating them tonight
(he's going to eat some waffles tonight)
"Hey fellas that was great, are you kiddin, I respect what you're doing but you know there's something missin' you know what I'm saying?
How about we throw in a little Tuba?
How about a little more cowbell?
Well I'm just throwing this out there but how about a couple of these?
Ah come on Bert we already had a fart song!
Hey guys are you thinking what I'm thinking?
CHIPMUNKS!
Now that was perfect! That's what I call the jelly of the Month Club! How do I join?
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Jelly of the Month Club Long Beach, California
Jelly of the Month Club is: Bud Gaugh (famed drummer from Sublime); Capt. Dr. Todd (horns and keys from Sublime & Sublime with Rome); Bert Susanka (lead singer from the legendary surf-punk band the Ziggens); Mic Dangerously (lead singer and guitarist from the funk rock band Zen Robbi); and Mr. Crumb (lead singer, guitarist and multi-instrumentalist from his own alternative rock group, Mr. Crumb). ... more
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